I get it now!
Another night has gone by filled with another nightmare. I woke up with my eyes open looking around our room filled with strange writings written in blood. I blinked my eyes several times to figure out whether or not I was dreaming or not, and I could feel my eyelashes on my face and realized I was awake and saw the writing turn into beautiful patterns that were simply written in red. I woke up Ryan and told him I was having another nightmare. And as he woke up from a deep relaxing sleep, he told me he would hold me tight. I then grabbed Charity who was also sleeping from a deep relaxing slumber and I held her in my arms as Ryan was holding me.
I'm now awake and realized what I had dreamt earlier and again it was filled with darkness. But as I sit here typing on my laptop I realized that I was glad I was awake. And I was glad I just got up out of bed.
But I see this experience totally different now. I had prayed for God to lay things simple for me. Just like the pastor had said to pray when I asked him when I was at the State for three weeks. When I realized where I was at and realized I was at the bottom, I asked him 'How am I supposed to know what to do?' He said that God sends us different signs and just ask him to 'make your way plain' as plain as day.
So in this dream I know that when good things happen - that's God's way and when bad things happen - that's just plain evil
So I feel God in Ryan's embrace tonight, I feel God in little Charity as I feel her soft fur as I embrace her. And I hear God as I hear the birds chirping at 430 in the morning. And I see God turn those writings I saw into beautiful patterns that are simply written in red. God makes those bad things - into beautiful unscary things. Because the free will he had given me I used to pray to make my way plain. And now I see it. I know that when good things happen - that's God's way and when bad things happen - that's just plain evil. I now realize that it's as simple as that. Can't believe it took me two fucking years to figure that out. Crap - Sorry God I know i gotta work on my swearing. Sorry yet again....
posted by Chuck's Mommy @ 3:13 AM
1 Comments:
After discussing the God's work vs Evil's work with you last night, I started thinking and evaluating a lot of bad and good things that happen to me.
I do believe that when it's good, it's God's work. However, we have to be careful of what we mean bad when we say bad work. As I mentioned last night, I don't want to give evil too much credit. He is not that strong to get to some of us who believe in God. If we are good and uncontrollable things happen to us that make us weak, I don't always think it is Evil's work. I believe that sometimes, God give us challenges that give us opportunity to learn and be strong from. For example, I lost the job last year. This job and career is one of the reason I am single. I put so much effort on this career and little effort on other parts of my life. I was lost most of last year, then I woke up one day and realized how much time I have to spend time with family, friends, by myself, to others that need me, and spend time getting to know who I really am and what I really want to accomplish while on earth.
Losing a job can be devastating and very depressing and we can easily think this is evil's work. However, as I have gotten better and happier with myself and what I became, I know, God made this for me.
Another example is breaking up with a few guys I got involved with. I also believe that I needed to go through that to become a better person, a better lover, a less selfish and self involved person, and a more appreciative partner. Not until lately, not until I became 37, not until I became alone, no job, no place of my own to live, lots of good friends but away from me, lots of loving family but having their own challenges, not until I spent lots of time reading and understanding life, not until I learned to sincerely talk to God not only to ask for help but to ask what I should be doing as a good Christian...... not until great realization of life.... did I learn that all these experiences are great gifts from GOD, including the most challenging ones that others may perceive as BAD.
It's mind over matter and GOD above all. Yes, there is Evil.....But he can't get to me. I have faith in GOD so much that I can beat evil.
We do stuff on earth that are not considered very Christian....like sex, horoscopes, being mean to others, lying, fantasizing, and others..... Those are things that humans created on earth that made us commit sins. I know in my heart that GOd forgives us when we forget and commit sins as long as we always remember him and try to be better, GOD will not give up on us.
I like your blog. Keep sharing them with us. I like that I was able to keep writing what's on my mind too.....
I must say, I learned so much from you and Yumi. I was a brat and selfish. I know that I have become better and the last 3 months of being away from people, I realized a lot of changes in me.
I am very proud of you because inspite of all your challenges, the first thing in your mind is GOD and how to help others. You are a great Christian and a great example to us.
I love you and you will always be Yumi's and my best friend:-))
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